My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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