I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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