My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
