physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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