i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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