I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
