He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
