do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
