Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
