My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize