She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
