Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
