I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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