just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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