I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
