he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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