so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
