Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
