You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
