I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize