I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
