A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
