Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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