Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
