I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
