im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
