as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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