I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
