whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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