this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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