you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
