her vagine was all disorganized.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
