I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
