That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize