There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
either way he was missing a nipple.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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