I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Where is the hickey?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
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