Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How does it feel to date your dad?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
