The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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