Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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