Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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