Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
