Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
