I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
