I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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