My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
