i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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