Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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