Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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