Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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