Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
