i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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