The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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