I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
