it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
