Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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