I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
