i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
