Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
