you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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