I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
